Mr. President
Posted: July 22nd, 2010 | Author: Nick | Filed under: Writing | Tags: affair, murder, president, sex | No Comments »Every now and then, Andy and I will start chatting during work.
…
2:34 PM Andrew: Mr. President?
2:35 PM me: yes, what is it, i’m very busy
2:37 PM Andrew: Do you think I look pretty in this?
I’m seeing a movie tonight with my man
2:38 PM me: oh for christ’s sake
2:39 PM there’s a war going on, dammit
there won’t be any movies for you to see tomorrow
Andrew: You are being such a worry wort. Just tell me what you think of this blouse, OK?
2:41 PM me: oh fine, just let me turn around
oh my god
you look absolutely beautiful
2:42 PM Andrew: oh. oh, Mr President, I’m blushing!!
me: i’ve been so caught up in this world war that i haven’t even realized i’m in love with you
Andrew: in love with me? wow, just think: the president in love with little old me
2:43 PM me: please, don’t ever stop talking, i now live to hear your voice
tell me, what is this movie you’re planning to see?
2:45 PM Andrew: It’s a classic film, Casablanca. One of my favorites. I used to watch it as a little girl.
Terry loves it too.
2:47 PM me: terry? oh yes, terry
excuse me dear, would you mind opening the window?
Andrew: he’s kinda cute and all, but – he’s not exactly the president of the united states, is he?
oh, not at all
a beautiful day if I do say so myself
2:48 PM me: thank you, now i may jump out of it and plunge to my death
Andrew: WHAT?!? Mr president, no!
me: damn this country, damn this war, if i can’t have you, i can’t live
Andrew: All we have to do is wait for Terry to break up with me
2:49 PM me: break up with you? why would anyone ever break up with you?
Andrew: I’ll start with not putting out
or at least not as often
me: yes, yes, withhold your most previous asset
here’s what you should do:
call the president of norh kora
2:50 PM tell him you’ve found the man that started the war
and then tell him it’s terry
and tell him i said so, too
and then tell him you’ll give him terry to do whatever he likes
and then give him terry
Andrew: OK, but I should warn you, Terry doesn’t like Asian people
2:51 PM he’s actually quite a racist individual
me: that’s ok, that will only make them kill him more
now go, go my lovely!
quickly, we haven’t much time!
for i am about to splooge!
Andrew: I will act with haste, my love
2:52 PM me: and would that i could splooge inside you
Andrew: save it my darling
2:53 PM me: i shall, despite the fact that i’ve heard that’s unhealthy
Andrew: OK I just got off the phone with Terry and he’s working in the shed so he had to go. Oh, Mr President, I don’t know what to do!!
2:55 PM Oh wait you told me to call the leader of North Korea
me: yes, the president of north kora
2:58 PM Andrew: OK I just talked to him and he is fucking pissed
he apologizes to you for this giant misunderstanding
Terry is now dead.
2:59 PM Welp, looks like I’m all dressed up with no place to go 
3:00 PM me: i grow tired of you, leave me to my scrabble
Andrew: MR – Mr President!!!
3:01 PM You jerk, you promised to splooge in me!
me: i’m beginning to see why terry left you
Andrew: you said you were in love with me
and I solved your little war problem by having the love of my life killed!
3:02 PM me: what do you want, a medal?
Andrew: actually that would be nice
me: well fine, i’ll arange for you to receive a medal
Andrew: what are you doing tonight, Mr. P?
3:03 PM me: i have a hot date with angie the receptionist
she’s got a killer bod
Andrew: you bastard
I will go to the press and say you sexually assaulted me
3:04 PM me: who are they going to believe? you, a woman? or me, the president of the united states who just ended the war?
3:05 PM Andrew: I suppose you’re right. Well I guess I’ll go tend to Terry’s funeral. Let me know if you need be to buy a bouquet to give to angie
3:06 PM me: shut the door on your way out
(sigh) how can i tell her i really love her?
Andrew: you’re the boss Mr P 
2:34 PM Andrew: Mr. President?
2:35 PM me: yes, what is it, i’m very busy
2:37 PM Andrew: Do you think I look pretty in this?
I’m seeing a movie tonight with my man
2:38 PM me: oh for christ’s sake
2:39 PM there’s a war going on, dammit
there won’t be any movies for you to see tomorrow
Andrew: You are being such a worry wort. Just tell me what you think of this blouse, OK?
2:41 PM me: oh fine, just let me turn around
oh my god
you look absolutely beautiful
2:42 PM Andrew: oh. oh, Mr President, I’m blushing!!
me: i’ve been so caught up in this world war that i haven’t even realized i’m in love with you
Andrew: in love with me? wow, just think: the president in love with little old me
2:43 PM me: please, don’t ever stop talking, i now live to hear your voice
tell me, what is this movie you’re planning to see?
2:45 PM Andrew: It’s a classic film, Casablanca. One of my favorites. I used to watch it as a little girl.
Terry loves it too.
2:47 PM me: terry? oh yes, terry
excuse me dear, would you mind opening the window?
Andrew: he’s kinda cute and all, but – he’s not exactly the president of the united states, is he?
oh, not at all
a beautiful day if I do say so myself
2:48 PM me: thank you, now i may jump out of it and plunge to my death
Andrew: WHAT?!? Mr president, no!
me: damn this country, damn this war, if i can’t have you, i can’t live
Andrew: All we have to do is wait for Terry to break up with me
I’ll start with not putting out
2:49 PM me: break up with you? why would anyone ever break up with you?
Andrew: or at least not as often
me: yes, yes, withhold your most previous asset
here’s what you should do:
call the president of norh kora
2:50 PM tell him you’ve found the man that started the war
and then tell him it’s terry
and tell him i said so, too
and then tell him you’ll give him terry to do whatever he likes
and then give him terry
Andrew: OK, but I should warn you, Terry doesn’t like Asian people
2:51 PM he’s actually quite a racist individual
me: that’s ok, that will only make them kill him more
now go, go my lovely!
quickly, we haven’t much time!
for i am about to splooge!
Andrew: I will act with haste, my love
2:52 PM me: and would that i could splooge inside you
Andrew: save it my darling
2:53 PM me: i shall, despite the fact that i’ve heard that’s unhealthy
Andrew: OK I just got off the phone with Terry and he’s working in the shed so he had to go. Oh, Mr President, I don’t know what to do!!
2:55 PM Oh wait you told me to call the leader of North Korea
me: yes, the president of north kora
2:58 PM Andrew: OK I just talked to him and he is fucking pissed
he apologizes to you for this giant misunderstanding
Terry is now dead.
2:59 PM Welp, looks like I’m all dressed up with no place to go
3:00 PM me: i grow tired of you, leave me to my scrabble
Andrew: MR – Mr President!!!
3:01 PM You jerk, you promised to splooge in me!
me: i’m beginning to see why terry left you
Andrew: you said you were in love with me
and I solved your little war problem by having the love of my life killed!
3:02 PM me: what do you want, a medal?
Andrew: actually that would be nice
me: well fine, i’ll arange for you to receive a medal
Andrew: what are you doing tonight, Mr. P?
3:03 PM me: i have a hot date with angie the receptionist
she’s got a killer bod
Andrew: you bastard
I will go to the press and say you sexually assaulted me
3:04 PM me: who are they going to believe? you, a woman? or me, the president of the united states who just ended the war?
3:05 PM Andrew: I suppose you’re right. Well I guess I’ll go tend to Terry’s funeral. Let me know if you need be to buy a bouquet to give to angie
3:06 PM me: shut the door on your way out
sigh how can i tell her i really love her?
Andrew: you’re the boss Mr P
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